Anna Chapman, The World’s Most Deadly Fashionista


1517585_10202786658729806_320417377_nMoscow- Former deep cover operative, Anna Chapman has announced that she will be forging her way into the fashion world. After her role as a clandestine agent working for Russia in the United States was exposed, Chapman’s face became known worldwide. Quickly after, Chapman’s sexy body graced the cover of men’s magazines worldwide.
Anna was reported saying, “In my transition from the second oldest profession into the oldest profession, both for Mother Russia, I found American’s will always buy something ready to kill them. All you have to do is throw some glitter and lights at it, and find a girl with some curves and the American public will devour it.” Don’t be fooled. Chapman is quite the business savvy strategist who hasn’t forgotten about her obligations to destroy the U.S. either. kanye-west-taylor-swift-speech_482x396
During her press announcement, Chapman assured the American market that her line will make it to US shelves. To help her in this effort, Anna recruited none other than world famous rapper, Kanye West. When later questioned by reporters, Chapman explained, “Mr. West is the ideal spokesman. The youth loves him, he knows fashion, and he makes the United States look incompetent on a daily basis.”
Intelligence officials in Washington have remained fairly tight lipped. However, an undisclosed source within CIA did comment on Anna’s manipulation of Western media outlets. “When Snowden made it to Russia, Chapman was reported to have asked Edward Snowden to marry her. We found this to be a Miley Cyrus sort of cry for relevance by the Russians to further rub salt in our wounds.” Calls by multiple high ranking officials in Washington don’t want this offensive to go unchecked. “We have enough people in our media making us look bad, we don’t need to give our enemy that opportunity too.” He went on to say about Chapman’s marriage proposal, “Luckily, our sources have confirmed that Snowden has a thing for Oriental girls.” When fact checking this claim, we found that it is true, and Anna Chapman pinned herself up in her flat for a week eating Bon Bon’s and watching Oprah, after being rejected by Snowden.
snowden-hong-kong                Despite the calls for information security out of Langley, the folks at Foggy Bottom have embraced Anna’s decision.  The U.S. State Dept. claims her boldness as a women to be an entrepreneur should be promoted as grounds for mutual understanding between our countries. A State Department representative said, “We have had tremendous success in the past with fashion diplomacy. Our Che Guevara tee-shirt exchange has been hugely successful in bridging our countries.”
Maybe the State Department is right? Just look at Seattle.

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